Woman
Women, ever since the late 18th century, have been the bosses of every husband in the United States and Canada, and virtually the entire world. The common phrase that men say, "Why do you nag so much?" often results from the woman nagging so much. Women like to shop (a lot a whole lot) so they have the man carry their purse for them while they try on clothes. This often results in embarrassment from the man, who is already bored from the amount of time it takes for the woman to try on a shirt. When a woman has to use the restroom, the man should know that he has enough time to drive home and finally watch that football game he'd missed some of earlier, and come back in a few days and then it'd be about time for the woman to get out. In schools, girls have to wait in lines to go to the restroom while the boys don't. And pop culture wonders why. Ha! History Adam & Eve The first woman born, according to Christianity, was Eve. She invented make up, which Adam liked very much. However, when Eve got too excited about putting on make up, and she put on too much, Adam slapped her in the face and decided she deserved it (because the mean old snake told him to). He spent the rest of his life doing labor for her, which included laundry, housework, taking care of the vigilante kids Abel and Cain, and mowing the lawn (of course, by burning it down). Adam's suicide One day, Adam had to "mow" the lawn, as his wife had told him to, and so he decided that he "accidentally" would burn her and kill her, so he poured gasoline all around their mansion and took out a lighter and threw it. Well, he had terrible aim, so he instead hit her right in the face with it as she was relaxing outside in the sun, trying to get a tan. When this happened, he knew he was in big trouble, so he decided to run, but it was too late. She had already gotten in the car and had him ran over before he knew it. He woke up from a 30 year coma to find that she was even meaner than ever, which he thought couldn't've been possible. So she whacked him with a brush and told him to mop up the soup she'd spilled on purpose, and when she said that, Adam took out a gun and was prepared to kill himself, but the gun was jammed, so he did the work. Eventually, Adam found the time to get the gun out and shoot himself again, and he decided to write a suicide letter that said: :"To my.................love wife. I cannot go on in life for this....reason. I went to the mall yesterday and did some thinking, and decided that I would kill myself because you are freaking nagger and nag to much. I HATE YOUR LIVING GUTS! I just can't go on. Bye. You will find me dead on the bathroom floor." And so he killed himself, and she got Cain and Abel to do the work, until Cain, of course, killed Abel and so Cain decided to kill Mamacita, but Eve wouldn't let him, so he took out a bazooka and blew up the house. Not sure if she was dead or not, he didn't care, and ran away from home. The death of Cain When Cain was out of college, it was revealed that Eve, who was well into her 50's now, had not died, and she was in fine shape. She drove her lamborgini to find Cain, who was working as a lawyer and was in a case at the time. She drove up to the courthouse and walked in with a gun. People tried to stop her from shooting, but her constant nagging kept them off of her, and so Cain was shot in the chest a total of 57 times, because Eve did not know if the gun was firing or not (she could not tell if the flame coming out of the gun was supposed to stay there or not. Pretty weird). The Neighbors One time, when Eve was sharpening her axe in the garage of her house, one of her neighbors heard her laughing maniacally and decided to go over there and ring the doorbell to meet their new neighbor. Bad mistake. By now, Eve was absolutely beyond crazy, and her hair was always messy and greasy, it being blonde and wavy. Her clothes were always ragged and she always smelled like blood, because she wore the blood of her victims as perfume (she kept it in a spray bottle). The neighbors asked her what was up with her laughing, and she took out her axe and said, laughing again, "Oh nothing, just sharpening my axe and going hunting for animals in my house." She then saw a fly on the porch and swung at it, missing and breaking the stair rail off in the process. That was when the neighbors started getting scared but were ultimately killed because Eve thought they were flies. Pretty weird. Eve's death Then, the FBi was on her because someone had called the Police, and so she was attacked by them, who just blew up her house (again) and she died instantly. Yep. Lots of people were very happy In modern culture Women today are perceived as hot, sexy, and overall attractive, but annoying, nagging, slow people who scare the living daylight out of many men. Girlfriends are even worse and gossip about crap like, "OMG did you see what happened on the bus?" And the boy would say, "Gheh.....no......" and then the girlfriend would go on and on about that, which is what men seem to hate a lot about, and are often happy when they "have" to go to work, so they can be away from their wife. Sports Woman bribed man about including them in sports so they created "Softball", which is a term used when describing the scrunchies that women use in showers all the time when they are messing with their hair. Other sports, such as soccer, which is a boy and girl sport, is named that because girls wanted something contributed to their laundry habits, and "sock" was added in "soccer", but disguised with an extra 'cer' which meant "I nag a lot" in French. The original name for soccer was "manly ball" but that name was changed because of women's constant nagging. Television Yes, women have appeared in television, and that is because they want to make an impression on men, apparently, but according to everyone else, they're trying to secretly team up together and take over the world and have all men as slaves. Not good. Wars Women were known for fighting wars without weapons but with their voices, often saying, "My God! Look at that hat! It's filthy! Clean it right now!" which distracted the men from fighting long enough for the other men to shoot him and kill him. This went on for so long that since women had helped when WWIII (caused by women, of course) that they be kept in the army and military forever. PMSing When a female is pmsing, he/she is going through a series of symptoms that occur about once a month, and unfortunately it's that frequent. These symptoms are: Moodswings Women have a series of moodswings during their period, which can be a lot like this: "Hey, Brad, how was work today?" the woman asks. The man says, "Fine, thanks." "WHY DIDN'T YOU CALL ME AT LUNCH!!??" the woman asks. The man says, "I'm sorry, sweety, I didn't know I was supposed to." "That's okay, darling, I forgot to tell you," the woman says. The man says, "Oh." Then the woman bursts out into tears. "Why did our dog have to die thirteen years ago?!" Long time in the bathroom When a woman spends a really long time in the bathroom, and there are forty boxes of tampons opened, and there's blood all over the walls of the bathroom, it could be a sign that a period has happened. Confront the woman about it and ask her, but it's pretty obvious. Tampons When there are tampons scattered all over the house, and they are the reason why the toilet's clogged up and a plunger won't unclog it, it's likely that the woman is having her period. If you interrupt her, dodge the knife and run away as fast as you can.